So many times in my food therapy practice I hear about how someone is struggling to do something they know is good for them but just can't convince themselves to do. Losing weight, exercising, quitting smoking, making dietary changes, setting aside personal time, etc. For instance, I know I need to start doing yoga in order to get some exercise and improve my flexibility. But I haven't done it.
This kind of thing is so common, and I think it is because we are all isolated in our own lives. We don't have real "community" anymore―at least, a lot of us don't. We're not surrounded by our families and extended families, so we're raising our children alone. Once we get out of high school or college, we don't have a "posse" anymore―people who's time is spent doing the same things we're doing. We may have a community at work, but even there work is usually the only thing that coworkers have in common, and conversations revolve around the workplace.
In contrast, think about how we used to live, in a "tribal" system where everyone cooked and ate together, traveled from place to place together, endured hardship and danger together. As much as we might crave our own space or time for ourselves, it's hard to find that time and space when we are doing everything for ourselves. Very few people enjoy cooking just for themselves, but there's something fun about preparing a meal for someone you love, or making a dish to share at a friend's potluck. Most people enjoy exercising with a friend, or at least find the motivation in someone with a common goal.
Because we are made for community. For sharing. That's why relationships are so important.
So how to find a community? I'm not sure there is a good answer.
I met my current group of friends and my boyfriend playing kickball in a community league. We have a blast gettin together for potlucks and cookouts and beach outings, but slowly the group is dwindling as people move away or move on to the next phase of life. We've also recently been blessed with some new neighbors who are great at getting everybody together and have introduced me to some cool new people.
Attending a place of worship is probably the closest thing to community that we have right now. At Seacoast I've found that getting to be a part of a life group is essential to getting to know people at the church. So is volunteering. But even bolstering yourself to begin doing these things can be intimidating, and ultimately people have their own lives and families and agendas and priorities, and rightly so. It's healthy and normal to prioritize the immediate family; it's just that in this day and age the immediate family is a lot smaller.
I guess that's one of the main reasons to start a family of your own. And I like to think that when I do, it will become a big family, full of all my kids' friends and their parents, the neighbors, my own family members, and my friends. We'll get together and play neighborhood sports and grill out and support each other and be honest with each other.
Sounds a little bit like utopia. But impossible? I hope not.
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